We took a breather...

James "escaped" the house while I was switching out the laundry.  He thought he was getting away, but I heard him leave and soon followed.  He hopped on his trike and headed straight for the little park at the end of our cul-de-sac.  I was in pursuit with every intention of hauling him back to the house, kicking and screaming.  But as I caught up to him at the park, he had already taken off for the slide and the breeze felt nice, almost fall-like, and he looked so happy that I figured the loads of laundry and sink piled with dishes could wait a few more minutes.
He slid down the slide, rolled in the sand and scooped the sand into the "trunk" of his tricycle.  I enjoyed the cool breeze, bouncing Milly on my knee and listening to the birds sing and flit from tree to tree.  I was able to breathe.  It was very cleansing and calming.  I sat there thinking about how often that little almost 3 year old is told what to do, where to go, and how fast (hurry, hurry!)  I loved just watching him move at his own pace and make his own decisions-climb, slide, roll in the sand.
After about 15-20 minutes, James says "go home?"  So, I followed him home.  I put on a movie for him and am sitting here typing while nursing Milly to sleep.  Then it will be back to the laundry and such.  I could have spent the past half hour fighting a tantrum instead of enjoying a little break in the "great outdoors!"  Maybe it's good to follow a two year old every once in a while!

Just so you know...

We survived the weekend.  I'm feeling much better today and my children's lives(and my sanity) are no longer in jeopardy!  Well, at least for the moment...that can quickly change.  Thanks for the words of encouragement and/or just understanding.  I feel much better knowing that I am not the only one with these feelings.  Let's just keep plugging away, doing the best we can.  Love to you all!

I don't know how to do this...

this whole Mother thing.  I've just been pretending for the past 9+ years.  Now, although I've made many mistakes, I don't think I've messed up my kids too much as of yet.  But, this whole pretending thing is coming back to bite me now...Life is getting a lot more complicated with the kids getting older and such that this charade is no longer working for me.  I'm struggling.  Insomuch that I really wanted to quit my job this last week and run away.  I'm frustrated, feeling guilty and inferior and just plain worn out!  I've been just trying to survive for the past 9 years, making it up as I go along.  I've been in survival mode for so long that I don't know how to live any other way.  It's time for me to start living more intentionally and with more purpose.  The problem is, I don't know where to start.  All these ideas swarm in my head.  There are so many of them that I get overwhelmed and just want to curl up in a ball and do nothing.  I read a quote today by a comedian, Jim Gaffigan, that said, "If you want to know what it's like to have a fourth kid, just imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a fourth kid!"  While hilarious, unfortunately, that is how I feel right now (except with a 5th kid!)
I'm just venting.  I'm not looking for any pats on the back or soliciting any compliments, they actually just pour salt into the wounds.  I just wish I knew where to start with how to get on track.  I would say back on track, except that I never was there!  How do I start at the beginning when the 5 kids are already here?

September!

We've had a bit of a busy month and I decided to put it all into one post instead of several separate ones.  Hope you can stick with me, we've had some fun!
First up was Danny's and my 11th wedding anniversary.  We celebrated by going to dinner at Islands and then walking around the mall for a bit...nothing fancy, but it's the best we could do while toting along a cute little girl!  Here's a picture of us 11 years later!

 

Next, I was able to go on a women's retreat with the Relief Society from my ward.  It was a lot of fun.  We went up to the mountains to Heber, AZ.  Beautiful...the 30 degree drop in temperature was a welcome reprieve as well.  Here are the lovely ladies of the Gilbert 2nd ward.

 

I've spent a lot of this month cleaning up after this guy...

   

I guess it's pretty tiring making all those messes!  One of James' new hobbies is pulling out all the movies...I really need to get a child lock on that drawer!  He has also given up "formal" naps (much to his mother's chagrin!) but will often pass out while watching a show or playing quietly in the playroom or wherever he may be at the moment.   I was doing laundry in my bedroom and came out to find him just like this, he had even pulled the blanket over himself...such a cutie even if he is sometimes naughty!  Speaking of naughty, he is almost unbearable to take anywhere these days.  He is acting every bit of his 2 1/2 years!  The tantrums are an ever present part of life.  I'm hoping this phase passes quickly!

I've also spent a lot of this month wishing this little girl would quit growing up so quickly!

 

Our little Milly-moo is 6 months old now.  So sad and so much fun all at the same time!  Ain't she sweet?

6 month stats

16 lbs 12 oz (70%) kinda big for one of my babies!

26" long (50%)

head 16 1/4 cm (25%) this confirmed our thoughts that she had a little head!

I can't find Dylan's 6 month stats, but she is definitely the biggest of the other 3.  We love all of her luscious chunkiness!

At 6 months, she is rolling all over, laughing, smiling, grabbing everything in sight.  She especially loves her brother, James, he can get her belly laughing like no one else, it's the cutest thing ever!  No teeth yet (which is fine for this nursing mama!) and she is just barely starting to be able to sit up with a little help.  We all still just adore our little Moo!

Grace had a birthday this month...#8 in fact and we are excited about her upcoming baptism.  In the meantime, we celebrated with...

*yummy cupcakes for her class at school (thanks Aunt Melissa for the idea!)

 

*A bedroom makeover (with the ulterior motive of hoping that it would encourage her to keep her room clean!)

Before

 

And this was after she "cleaned up!"

After

 

I had so much fun planning this...it was a total surprise and she exclaimed that it was "the best birthday ever!"  

This was one of my favorite parts of the redo.  I started with an $8 chair from Goodwill...here is the result:

Before & After

 

Isn't it cute!

*and a little do-it-yourself cupcake decorating (I was a little tired from the classroom cupcakes and room redo!)

 

All told, it was a fun birthday and we enjoyed the festivities.  We are looking forward to going to CA where Grace and her cousin, Haley, will be baptized on the 14th.  So exciting!  Here's a picture of Grace with our sweet Bishop Farnsworth after her baptismal interview.

That takes us to the end of September.  Such a fun and busy month.  In parting, here are some pictures of my two little nakey babies...one chunky monkey and one not so much!

 

I love those little faces!  Don't you just wanna squish that little girlie-bug!?!